The Parasitic Homeless

And the not-so-great fires of Elgin

Two fires have gotten out of hand in “Tent City” in the month of December alone. These events have consumed City of Elgin resources and stopped Metra service, causing grave discomfort for both riders waiting to be picked up at Big Timber.

The responding emergency services were, no doubt, more than covered by the property tax paid by the residents of “Tent City.” If my intuition is incorrect, legalized meth and the subsequent sales tax generated from “Tent City” alone would be enough to supplement the difference.

Perhaps the City of Elgin should familiarize the residents of “Tent City” with municipal code 9.28.040. which stipulates that open fires may only be fueled by briquettes, propane or dry-seasoned firewood for the purpose of cooking food for consumption by the occupant's family.

While they are at it, a review of 9.32.010.A may be in order. The code states, “No person shall discharge or cause to be discharged any materials, directly or indirectly, into the city's storm drainage system or watercourses.” I have witnessed some of the tent people discharging themselves into the watercourse on occasion. Where are the Friends of the Fox when we need them most?

If only the City of Elgin were as strict as the ever-vigilant, well-oiled residents of Williamsburg Green.

In 2019, Joseph Bostedt, a resident of Elgin’s very own Williamsburg Green built a $50,000 standalone garage for his tow truck. Bostedt supposed that his neighbors would rather not see his tow truck parked in his driveway.

Boy, was he wrong.

Neighbors and lawyers went house to house measuring pool shacks and sheds, counting number of bricks facing the street and walking around the houses to see how many sides of the house had ornamental brick.

My friend, the Republican PC for the neighborhood (also an unwilling plaintiff), lived on a corner lot, but the front of his house faced the corner, not the street itself. His home provided a real pickle for the lawsuit because no one could decide whether or not his garage doors faced the street or if his fireplace brick could be counted as structural or decorative.

After tens of thousands of dollars and a year-long cold war at the country club, the Appellate Court of Illinois threw out the case. From what I understand about the final ruling, only an HOA would have the standing to enforce the rules of a neighborhood. So, because the back half of Williamsburg Green elected to forego an HOA (and associated fees), the standalone garage (which faces the street and has a smaller percentage of street-facing brickwork than the house) still stands.

A great deal of taunting ensued, with the HOA’d portions at the front of Williamsburg Green scorning the foolish non-HOA’d, countryfolk, living in the forsaken back-forty.

The man who built the garage sold his house shortly after the case was decided.

The neighbor who took the case to the Appellate Court of Illinois sold his house within a year of the ruling and moved to North Carolina.

If the orientation of a garage door and percentage of brickwork can be a court case, surly the junky, flammable structures in “Tent City” can be dealt with through the legal system. Get with it, City of Elgin legal department. I know you guys are out there. You guys make sure your hatred of a nicely-renovated RV providing free ultrasounds is well known (and you have no qualms with spending our tax dollars to run them out of town), but tarps nailed to treated lumber on the banks of the Fox River meet your professional standards.

It is insane that “Tent City” is allowed to exist. It is sick that the City of Elgin grants the concept legitimacy by referring to the area as “Tent City.”

“Tent City” is not just a place where hippie, pot-smoking, tree-huggers live.

I would encourage all of you to familiarize yourself with the likenesses on the nearly twenty sex-offenders who identify as homeless in Elgin. No need to thank me.

A friend of mine recently sent me a video of a local homeless man whom I know. The man often walks the streets of my neighborhood. The video was taken only two blocks east of my home.

The man described, in detail, the illegal and violent activity in the mystical, whimsical, wonderful “Tent City.”

“I spent two days down there,” he said of Tent City, “and within two days I was beaten up; they took my tent, took my shoes, and they took my food.”

He chronicled how he was repeatedly victimized, beaten, and robbed by other “people experiencing homelessness.” Mind you, this man is legitimately injured. His leg is, and has been, in rough shape for years.

Following his “Tent City” foray, our homeless pilgrim tried living on “Crack Island.” Turns out “Crack Island” is not where the local plumbers converge to discuss the latest innovations in their field.

Time to shut it all down. Get them out of here. If we cannot remove them en masse, we can arrest them one by one for their illegal activities.

At the very least, we can all shun the homeless, give them no comfort or quarter, and make their lives so uncomfortable that they go elsewhere. I hear Batavia is beautiful this time of year.